


Family is Hell

by COLDLETTUCE (Ragingmage1492), Julius_Belmont, The_Ashmaker



Category: Bayonetta (Video Games), Devil May Cry, Doom (Video Games), どうぶつの森 | Animal Crossing Series
Genre: Collaboration, Crack, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:28:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23781610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ragingmage1492/pseuds/COLDLETTUCE, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Julius_Belmont/pseuds/Julius_Belmont, https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Ashmaker/pseuds/The_Ashmaker
Summary: Hell, the underworld. Its very name conjures images of sulfur, brimstone, and lava. In a household on earth, however, its tenants think of something else.Each other
Relationships: Eva/Sparda (Devil May Cry)
Kudos: 10





	Family is Hell

**Author's Note:**

> My first run at a crack fic. I hope you all enjoy

It was a normal day in the Sparda Household when unbeknownst to the occupants, chaos was about to unfold.

A sudden knock broke their peace. Then the sound of splintering wood woke the family up.

Sparda reached for his legendary blade and rushed towards the intruder. 

“BROTHER, I'M HOOOOOOMMMMMEEE!”

Sparda paused. “Fuck. No!!"

The intruder frowned "Aww no love for the handsome brother?"

Eve walked around the corner. “There’s plenty of love for the handsome brother, if you know what I mean.” she wiggled her eyebrows.

The intruder stepped into the hall. "Aren't you gonna introduce your  _ loving _ brother?" 

Sparda deadpanned. "No"

The intruder huffed. "If you want something done you do it yourself!" 

“What’s this?” Vergil walked around the intruder’s back, holding a sword. 

"HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET THAT?!" The intruder flipped shit.

Eve quickly slipped off her shoe, and chucked it at the intruder. “No swearing!"

"YOU DARE ATTACK THE RULER OF THE UNDERWORLD, THE GREAT MUNDUS!" The now named Mundus outburst.

"YoU DaRe ATTacK ThE RuLeR Of ThE UnDeRWoRlD,ThE GrEaT MuNdUs!" Sparda mocked his brother. 

"You. Me. Outside Now!" Mundus shouted, dragging his brother through the now broken door.

“Don’t cause permanent damage, please." Eve called out to the quarreling brothers

Mundus threw his brother face first into the ground. Sparda pulls his brother towards the hard soil. They punched the shit out of each other. 

After the ruckus, the youngest family member was still sound asleep. 

* * *

Dante woke up to a house shrouded in chaos. All in all everything was routine. 

He grabbed his usual breakfast of a cereal bar in a bowl of watered down milk. The three sets of eyes at the table glared at him in a mixture of annoyance and pride.

Mundus blinked. “You are definitely Sparda’s kid.” 

“He’s a little shit, but I love him.” Sparda whispered.

Eve tossed a fork at him. “No swearing.’

Vergil stared at everyone. “So it’s genetic, this family’s stupidity.”

“Yeah.” came three voices.

It was silent, save for the sound of eating, for the next five minutes.

Dante blinked. “You’re very ugly.” he stated, looking at Mundus.

“Yikes, Sparda, you raised them right.” Mundus choked.

“Yes, and?” Sparda said with a prideful chuckle.

Eve places a hand on her head. “Dear god-”

“Don’t use that name.” both demons said.

“Dear Satan?” Dante jokes.

“Yes?” the demon lord said.

Eve let out an exasperated sigh. “You four are way too similar, stop.”

Dante and Sparda both opened their mouths, only to close them. “You’re correct, yes, never bring it up again.”

Vergil, not wanting to be in this conversation, stood up and began walking towards the door. “This family is a nightmare, I’m going to sleep.” he said.

“But it’s five in the morning...” Eve asked.

“And? Sleep is the only thing I can do.”

Dante followed his brother. “Yes.”

Vergil slapped Dante on the head. “No, just me.”

Dante threw a punch, and Eve sighed.

“Not again…” she groaned, watching as her sons fought.

Again, this was routine. 

* * *

Both boys were covered in minor cuts and bruises but were otherwise unharmed.

Sparda looked out the window. The Sun began to rear its head over the skyline that surrounded his house. He looked around, nodding to himself. He saw the people around him: his two sons, his wife, and even Mundus. He never thought that he’d think this, but he is grateful to be here, surrounded by family.

**Author's Note:**

> Julius Belmont: When I get back into the swing of writing, Hunter's Requiem will return. The great Mopa will be back in the swing of things soon <\br />  
> Coldlettuce: This is my first collaborative work. I would like to thank The_Ashmaker and Julius_Belmont for including me.


End file.
